How to Bottle Lust
by The Original Frizzi
Summary: Gather 'round the campfire, for I will tell you a tale, of a rambunctious boy of magic receiving a lot more than he wished for, of a wishing-for-true-love FAIL! DAWC challenge to write a happy Circle story! Rated M for safety


It was nighttime, and somewhere in the middle of Ferelden was a camp of a misfit group of people. Everyone that Leliana could see was either winding down from the stressful ordeal of Redcliffe, preparing to take the first watch, or in the Wardens' cases, finishing the last bit of their supper. She couldn't help but marvel at the sight they made, slurping down bowl after bowl of stew and yet managing to stay in the shape they were in. And it seemed she wasn't the only one, as another cursory glance caught Anders, a Circle mage, pausing in the middle of playing with his new kitten- whom Leliana absolutely adored- to watch said Wardens with a mixture of fascination and disgust.

Always one to want to discover new things about the land of Ferelden and the people from all the corners, she clasped her hands behind her back and oh so innocently made her way over to sit next to him. The kitten paused at her presence, before returning idly to the dangling bit of string, its purr able to be heard as a paw batted at it.

"At the rate they're going, they would have eaten through half of the Circle's supply by now," Anders commented aloud, feeling the new presence next to him. He looked over to find Leliana and smiled, seeing her beam back.

"Is that so?" she asked, amused at the thought.

"More than so," he replied.

"Hey," Alistair, an almost-Templar and one of aforementioned Grey Wardens, protested in between bites. "We're growing Grey Wardens; we need to eat!"

"Oh, you're growing alright," Anders shot back good naturedly, receiving a narrowed silencing look from Solona, his friend from Kinloch and yet another Grey Warden. Seeing the soft smile as she looked away let him know he wasn't too much in trouble.

"It must be wonderful to be so well at ease with everyone," Leliana couldn't help but notice. "For one who was raised in the Circle, I at least would have expected a bit of suspicion about the outside world."

The mage chuckled, letting his new pet snag the string and chew on it. "For someone that's escaped from it as many times as I have, the wonders of the world tend to get a bit old. So far, the only new amazing thing I've seen is this," he said, gesturing to the three Wardens.

"So this early sense of companionship came from your years there?" the bard pressed.

Anders exchanged a look with Solona, who set her bowl to the side before picking up the book she was currently reading and setting it on her lap. "It was different for everyone, living at the Circle," Anders explained, seeing he wasn't going to get a comment from Solona. "Most are complacent, some are angry and hide it, and the rest- like me- do something about it."

Solona's fingers tightened on the book cover, but she instead forced herself to remain immersed in her read.

Leliana, seeking to ease the growing tension, continued in a different vein. "Can you tell us a story? One of these grand adventures of yours?"

Anders turned his attention back to Leliana, arching a brow. "A story?"

"Of course! You must have had plenty of adventures in the Circle... or maybe even one from discovering Ferelden in all its glory."

Anders lowered the hand holding the string, his kitten having abandoned the play and curled up into a fuzzy, purring ball of cuteness. "A story..." He studied the bard beside him, as if trying to find a hint, before smiling mischievously. "So if what you mean by 'story' is... an adventure on a grand scale, with some humor on the side, and potentially a bit of a _scandal_ tied to it..." As Leliana's eyes lit up with interest, he continued, carefully setting himself into a more comfortable position. "I have quite the story for you, then."

He half watched with wry amusement as Alistair and Kit, the third Warden in their party, grew comfortable themselves, as Solona darted glances herself. The two Mabari's that tagged along lay close their respective mistresses, so content in their own canine way that Anders set a hand on the still purring cat. "Let's see, when did this happen... I'd say it was about a year or so ago when this happened. And before I begin, are you familiar with the mage we met in the Redcliffe dungeons? Black hair, blue-ish eyes, frequents towards blood magic-"

"Are you," sputtered Solona, suddenly looking up from her book. "Are you telling... No!"

"Leliana asked for it, and I can think of no better one to tell-"

"Anders! Please, no, anything but that!" As he shook his head, grinning openly, Solona groaned and put her face in the open book, feeling the blush creep up to her ears.

Kit chuckled helplessly, rubbing soft circles into Solona's back. "I'm sure it's not that bad," she tried to reassure her.

"It's not bad, it's awful," Solona's muffled voice wailed.

"I do remember him," Leliana answered. "I believe his name was... Jowan?"

"Correct," Anders continued, ignoring the last muffled protest from Solona. "Now, Jowan was always a bit of a slow learner, to put it politely. When he had a handle of things, they were remembered... but the process of learning said lessons always took a bit of time. Needless to say, that meant he almost always asked for help from others for everything."

* * *

_"Please, Anders! I really want you to help me with this!"_

_Anders rolled his eyes once more at Jowan's pleading, since it was so conveniently disrupting Anders' new plans of escape. Someone like him was never meant to be in such a cage, mage or no. The only real question he entertained was how to get away and __stay__ away. However, Jowan was making it hard for Anders to concentrate on how to achieve his goal. "Okay, I'll bite," he finally answered, feeling exasperated. "What kind of scheme did you cook up this time?"_

_"Well... it's not a scheme, persay-"_

_"Oh no, it's a scheme. If it was a simple spell, you would have included that in your pleas."_

_"... Okay, okay, it's a scheme." As Anders rolled his eyes, nodding in self affirmation, Jowan rushed on. "There's this girl that I really, __really__ like..."_

_As Jowan fell silent, Anders waved him on to continue. "And, what? You're trying to think of a good hiding spot to sow your slightly feral oats with her?"_

_"No!" Jowan protested, his cheeks burning hot. "I like her, but I don't think she even knows I'm there..."_

_"So you want me to help you get her notice?"_

_"Yes..." Pulling a book out from behind his back, he opened it in front of them to a page that he was keeping with a finger. "I found this potion that seems like it could work-"_

_"And where did it come from?" Anders asked, knowing that love potions weren't exactly advertised to apprentices. He tilted the cover of the book back to read the title- _"Matters of the Heart; 50 Potions and Spells From the School of Love"_- before regarding Jowan with a raised brow. "Where __did__ you find this book to begin with?"_

_"It was in Solona's stack of books at the side of her bed-"_

* * *

"No, it wasn't!" Solona interrupted, her face finally in view from the pages of her book. "The thought of me even _reading_ such a tome is just... just... wrong!"

"So says the person that read the entire collection of chants the Chantry ever wrote, cover to cover, three times," Anders replied. "In one sitting, regardless."

As everyone, even Leliana, gaped at Solona after Anders' admission, she half shrugged helplessly. "It's not a crime for a mage to read."

"Even a book from the 'School of Love'?" He snorted before adding, "Maker, that still sounds incredibly corny..."

"I wanted a different bit of light reading," she explained. "It was for entertainment purposes only."

"Well, you could certainly entertain quite a few people with what you can learn from-"

"Please, continue," Kit interrupted as Solona blushed bright red once more. "Jowan found a potion, and then..."

"Well," Anders said, picking the story back up. "After a bit more interrogating helped me discover little more than the fact he'd make a mean Wicked Grace player, I decided to amuse us both and help him out. I mean, how bad could it be, right?"

* * *

_"Let's see," Anders stated aloud, leading Jowan down towards the Circle's storerooms. "A glamour charm... some deathroot leaves... elfroot stalks... a liquid ounce of lyrium..." As he continued reading the rest of the ingredients, he asked, "Jowan, are you __sure__ you want to do this?"_

_"Yes, I am."_

_"I don't mean just 'sure', I mean positively sure, with no room for doubt in your mind?"_

_"Yes! Maker, yes!" A nearby group of female apprentices overheard the outburst and giggled to themselves, before scampering down the hallway. The tips of Jowan's ears turned red as he continued. "This is important to me, and I don't want to screw it up, which is why I'm asking you."_

_"Nice to know that I'm reliable for these kinds of things." And if it so much as happened again, he was going to strangle Jowan._

_As if reading his thoughts, Jowan reassured Anders. "I won't ask anything like this again, I swear to you."_

_Pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, Anders let out a slow breath. Thank the Maker for small miracles, because they were never large enough to save most people from the most damning of acts... "Let's make a potion."_

_The ingredients were easy to get, as was the making of the potion, but with the last ingredient listed, Anders shook his head and stepped back from the vial. "Okay, from here on out, you're on your own."_

_"That's it? It's finished?" Jowan eagerly asked._

_"No, it's needs one more thing, something to stitch it to you..."_

_"Which is what, exactly?"_

_It took all of Anders' willpower to merely push the book over to Jowan, to have him read it. If he was asking Anders what the ingredients were, that meant he got to excited to read them himself... and was therefore in for the rudest awakening he'd ever have._

* * *

"Are you quite serious?" Zev interrupted, having joined the small storytelling party.

"Oh yes," Anders replied, the corners of his mouth pulled back in disgust.

"What? What was the last ingredient?" Alistair asked, looking back and forth from Anders to Zev.

"Quite obvious, to ones as experienced as the fellow mage and myself," Zev answered. "He simply had to take himself to conclusion."

Everyone's eyes widened, save for Anders'. He, in turn, added, "Into the vial. And then he had to drink it."

As Kit's and Solona's jaws dropped in disgust, Alistair nervously chuckled. "You... you're putting me on."

"I wish I was," Anders replied.

"You mean to tell me that he had to... Maker's breath, that's disgusting!"

"I had to essentially prepare it for him, so it was twice as bad on my part."

"All to gain the attention of his lover from afar," Leliana remarked. "In a way, it's terribly romantic, to go to such lengths for that."

"I'm sure Jowan didn't think so," Anders said with a laugh.

* * *

_As expected, Jowan's face flushed bright red as his jaw dropped. "What? You mean- I have to-"_

_"Yep."_

_The apprentice's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Oh Maker..."_

_"Well, do you want this girl to notice you?"_

_"... yes..."_

_"And didn't you just say you'd do anything for this opportunity?"_

_"Well, yes... I suppose..."_

_"Then look on the bright side: you can clearly say, without a doubt in your mind, that you went to great lengths for the woman you adore." Seeing Jowan still hesitating, he asked, "What? Have you done... __that__ before?"_

_Jowan blushed beet red, stammering around his answer. "A c-c-couple of times, m-maybe."_

_"Then it should be simple. Just picture your lady love sans clothing, and let nature take its course."_

* * *

"And is this where you helped the lad out of the kindness of your heart and the fire of your loins?" Zev asked.

Anders was silent, his brows furrowing. "No."

"Alas, such a shame. It would have been rather thrilling to hear you describe the soft, velvety strength under one's hand, the hushed falls of breath in your ear, the way his shortly cropped red-gold hair flattened against the pillow as his neck arched-"

"Wait, didn't Jowan have dark hair?" Alistair asked, turning his attention to Zev. The elf's attention was lewdly turned to Alistair, much to his discomfort as he found himself blushing once more. "Canyoucontinuethestoryplease?"

Once everyone's laughter died down, Anders did as Alistair asked. "Naturally, I didn't stick around too much longer after that, but I was sure that Jowan would at least pull through with this... eventually..."

* * *

_It was, in fact, two days after the potion was created before Jowan slunk into the nearly empty dining hall. Anders liked to take his breakfast later in the morning, to better plan in silence his next escape opportunities. When Jowan slinked in, looking absolutely guilty as his gaze shifted all over the room, Anders nearly lost his appetite right there. _Well, _he thought to himself, _I guess Jowan did have the balls to do it..._ And with that thought, his appetite was completely lost._

_"It's done," Jowan muttered, taking a seat across from Anders._

_"If I were in your shoes, I would have drowned a whiskey skin afterwards." Jowan, looking nearly green at the thought, nodded his agreement. "Did it work, though?" Anders asked._

_"I don't know... I'm not sure I should seek her out, now."_

_"Don't tell me you did all of __that__ just to duck out at the last second, Jowan." He seemed to consider the apprentice for a second before leaning in, setting his elbows on the table. "Tell you what, why don't you tell me who this mystery woman is, and I'll be sure to send her your way-"_

_"No! I can't do that!"_

_"Alright, relax." Once Jowan did settle back in his seat, Anders continued. "If you drank the potion, though, it's a bit late to turn back. You're going to have to make a move."_

_Jowan thought the statement over, then stood back up. "You're right. I can't just sit idly back now." He faced the doorway, straightened his back... and nervously looked back at Anders. "Back me up?"_

Well, if anything, it'll be amusing to see who this woman is,_ he thought to himself. "Sure, why not," he answered, standing from his own seat. He followed Jowan as he walked past the apprentice dormitories, stopping as Jowan did once a pair of girls stepped out in front of them, laughing together. Both girls stopped to look at the pair of men, prompting Anders to charmingly smile at them. They did smile back, and then turned their attention to Jowan._

_Sure that he would be laughed at, Jowan weakly greeted, "Hi."_

_Both girls slowly waved back before turning around and scurrying away, giggles and comments of how he said 'hi' to them drifting back._

_Jowan's shoulders slumped. "After that, I don't think it worked."_

_"They're not the one you're chasing after, are they?" Anders asked. As Jowan shook his head, he continued. "Don't lose hope, yet."_

_They started on their way again towards the practice areas, being stopped only once by Senior Enchanter Uldred to return a few books for him. Anders propped himself up against the bookcase as Jowan did as he was asked, scanning the room of learning students... or at least as the female apprentices grew increasingly distracted, going from darting glances to flat out staring in their direction. He nudged Jowan in the ribs, pointedly looking in the direction of said females once Jowan turned._

_"Um... hi?" Jowan stated._

_"Hi, Jowan," a chorus of feminine voices greeted back._

_Anders blinked in surprise, a sinking feeling starting to form in his stomach. What in the flames did they do?_

_"Do you need help with that?" a soft, sultry voice asked, bringing Jowan's attention to the apprentice that appeared to his left._

_"What- oh! No, no thank you, I think I can put the book back-"_

_"Please, let me help," she insisted, sliding her hand against the back of his, while obviously brushing her breasts against his arm as they both slid the book into the shelf. "There," she all but purred at him. "Isn't that better?"_

_If Anders' eyes grew any wider, he was sure they'd fall out of his head. "Jowan?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Are you sure that was the right potion to make?"_

_"You made a potion?" the girl at Jowan's arm asked. "You're so smart."_

_"Can you show me how?" another apprentice chimed._

_"Me too?" yet another cooed._

_"And myself as well," the female teacher requested in the sultriest voice she could muster. "I never quite mastered the right... _technique_," she added, the tips of her fingers starting to roam across her neck, gently tugging the neck of her robes._

* * *

At this point, Leliana was nearly rolling around on the ground, clutching her stomach as peals of laughter spilled forward. Kit and Alistair were laughing as well, propped up against each other as they did so, wiping tears from their cheeks. Even Solona had to chuckle at the distant memory, appreciating the humor of it.

"Let me tell you," Anders continued, once the laughter died down. "You couldn't possibly imagine what it was like to be trapped in that library by a crowd of women, all wanting a piece of Jowan."

"I'm sure if I thought hard enough, I could," Zev replied with a dark chuckle.

"I don't doubt that either," Anders honestly stated.

"Tell us what happened," Leliana requested, finally gaining the breath to speak. "You obviously escaped that predicament with your life. What happened next?"

"Oh, I can tell you perfectly well what happened next," Anders said, grinning widely.

Solona blushed once more. "Please, Anders! You promised Jowan you wouldn't!"

"Jowan's not here, is he?"

Solona groaned aloud, her head falling back into her hands. Anders took the quieted protesting as a sign to continue.

* * *

_"By the sword of Andraste, Jowan! Why did you have to think of this stupid idea?" Anders hissed. Both him and Jowan, as one, had to barrel their way past the initial crowd of women and further into the tower, which caught the attention of more women that they had to shove past, which drew more attention. The both of them eventually found a closet to hide in, with Jowan quickly placing the heaviest thing there- a chair- under the handle before casting a small spell wisp for light. Anders, meanwhile, adjusted his loosened robe back into place, glaring at the tears that he managed to gain during this certain escapade. "I've never been so manhandled in my life..."_

_"How do we reverse this?" Jowan asked._

_"We can't," Anders snapped._

_"What do you mean, we can't?"_

_"What we created, I'm almost sure of it now, is a very strong illusion of a very strong emotion. Something like that can't simply be reversed instantly; it has to run its course."_

_Jowan's face drained of all color in the dim lighting. "No, I can't... I can't have this every day... no hoards of women chasing after me, wanting to... Maker, no!"_

_"Okay, Jowan, relax. It won't last forever, depending on the potency of the potion. The glamour charm wasn't that large to begin with, and we didn't use that much deathroot or elfroot..." He trailed off as a rather horrible thought occurred to him. "I hate to ask you this, Jowan, but how much did __you__ personally contribute?"_

_The room was eerily silent before Jowan answered. "I thought I missed the first time..."_

_"Dammit to the flames, Jowan!"_

_"It was dark, and I was nervous! It's not an exact science to me, Anders!"_

_Before Anders could snap a reply, the door to the closet they were hiding in opened. Jowan didn't realize that a chair propped up against a door that swung out into the hallway wasn't very effective. The woman who opened the door, however, nimbly caught the chair before it could crash onto the ground, taking in into the room with her. Dressed in what had to be the most threadbare of tunics, her normally tied back long hair falling down to the bottom of her ribs in long waves, her sauntered gait stopped in the middle of the room as the door closed behind them._

_As if to voice her intentions, she called forth her own spell wisp, which hummed with a brilliant red color before starting to chase Jowan's own spell wisp around the room. Anders could almost make out red ghostly hands making grabbing motions before finally capturing the white one... and holding it in place as the red wisp started to feverishly hump it._

_"Hello, Jowan," Solona cooed in the smokiest voice either man ever heard her speak._

* * *

Four wide pairs of eyes quickly swiveled from Anders to Solona, who was wishing she had a hole she could crawl into for about five years. "Before you ask," she quietly stated, "no. I don't remember a thing... except for a dream-like haze..."

"I, for one, wish I had the same problem," Anders commented. "It's not every day when someone you consider to be a kid sister does all of that."

"She really... Solona did that?" Kit asked, feeling unable to wrap her mind around it. Solona? _Solona?_ Sweet and innocent, adorably shy and somewhat naïve Solona did that?

"It gets worse," Anders answered.

* * *

_"S-s-solona?" Jowan replied._

_She chuckled, more breath than noise, as her head tilted back with sheer delight. "You're so adorable when you say my name..."_

_"W-what are you d-d-doing?"_

_Sitting in the chair, crossing one leg over the other, Solona started to play with her hair, wrapping an errant curl around her fingers. "I'm your birthday present," she explained, her tone taking a lustier tone. "Would you like to open me up?"_

_Anders had to bite down on his tongue- hard. He really did not need to hear that coming from __her__ of all people! Jowan seemed just as flustered, looking everywhere else but at her. Once his unfortunate gaze fell on the violently sexual happenings of the spell wisps (did that red one just spank his white wisp?), he jerked his gaze back to the lesser of two evils. Dumbly, he answered, "It's... not my birthday, Solona."_

_"Oh, what a shame," she said, sliding down a ways in the chair... meaning the bottom hem of the tunic slid up her body. "No matter," she crooned reassuringly. "I'm sure it's somebody's birthday somewhere... we should celebrate for them." As she spoke, she teased the straps of her tunic off her shoulders, crossing her arms under her chest to prominently display her nearly bared breasts, before slowly dragging them- and her tunic- down._

* * *

"Okay, that's enough of that," Kit quickly snapped, catching Solona's distressed noise. Her poor friend was probably not going to have blood in her feet for the rest of the month.

"Thankfully, there wasn't much to tell after that," Anders explained. "Cullen burst in and had to smite poor Solona to give us a chance to get out of there... and right into view of the First Enchanter. What was worse was that there were so many smote women strewn about the hallways, just laying there... amidst abandoned pairs of underclothes."

"Now that is what I call a good time," Zev chuckled once more.

Anders smiled before he spoke again. "As we walked past them on the way to the First Enchanter's office, they all started trying to shake off their stunned daze and reach for Jowan's feet."

* * *

_"I believe I don't need to say anything about what just happened today," First Enchanter Irving stated, crossing his arms as he stared down at Jowan and Anders. "I have no idea how this happened, and I'm not too sure I want to know, but something will have to be done about this predicament. The mere fact that whatever strange effect Jowan has doesn't affect men the same way it does the women makes this substantially easier. But for now, I'll keep you two in here until the hallways are cleared, and I can think up a suitable punishment for the both of you."_

_"I'm really sorry," Jowan meekly apologized._

_"I'm not going to do that again," Anders agreed. "__Ever__." The thought was tempting at first, but after seeing this, he decided it wasn't worth the risk._

_"Glad to see you two have learned your lesson," Irving stated, looking up to someone behind them as the door opened. "How are the women?" he asked the new arrival._

_"Recovering nicely," Senior Enchanter Wynne replied, stepping forward and closing the door behind her. "They are dazed from the smiting, obviously, but recall nothing of what transpired."_

_"Excellent to hear. Now, while you're here, Wynne, there was something I was wanting to show to you before this happened... if I could remember where I placed it..." He muttered to himself as he turned around, starting to search through the papers on his desk for something._

_"How are you faring, Anders?" Wynne asked, noting the slightly disheveled state._

_"Could be worse," he answered, half shrugging as he turned to Wynne._

_"And you, Jowan?" she asked._

_"I'm fine," the apprentice glumly replied._

_"Oh... I bet you are," Wynne sultrily stated, sliding her hands over Jowan's shoulders and across his chest, oblivious to how Jowan's face suddenly drained of color, his eyes widening._

* * *

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Anders cried amidst the groans of disgust. The group fell into easy laughter at the realized joke. "It was really Senior Enchanter Sweeney that entered, a male. Wynne had the smart enough sense to stay away once she saw the commotion."

"How long did the effects last?" Leliana asked.

"Six weeks." Continuing through the gaping looks, Anders said, "It normally would have died down completely in a few days had Jowan not gotten as nervous as he claimed he was."

"I just can't get over..." Alistair wondered aloud. "Solona, acting sexy like that?"

Solona's back stiffened slightly, turning to face Alistair. "What?"

"I just have a hard time picturing it, is all," Alistair explained, shaking his head.

"I see," she replied, turning her gaze back down to her book, her brows furrowing.

"I, for one, don't want to picture it again," Anders said. "Once was more than enough for me."

"Thank you for the story, Anders," Leliana said, satisfied with such a humorous tale.

"You're welcome." As he picked up the soundly sleeping fuzzball, he added, "I'll take this time to get some sleep, if I'm to take a shift?"

"The night's yours," Kit reassured him. "Wolf and I are going to join Sten in the first shift, Wynne and Zev are going to cover the second, and Solona and Alistair the third."

Satisfied with the arrangements, everyone spoke their goodnights as Anders and Leliana headed to their bedrolls, Kit and her Mabari heading to the edge of camp in Sten's direction.

"We should head to bed too," Alistair stated, stretching his arms. "Oh, Solona? Be sure to bring Arwen with you this time," he added, nodding to the mage's own Mabari.

"Okay..." Changing her voice to a softer, sexier tone, she added, "Anything you want, Alistair."

His eyes widened, hearing the change in Solona's voice. His head jerked around towards her, to find her slanting him a sideways gaze. Her book closed with a quick _*smack*_ before she rose and walked to her own tent, her Mabari following.

And was it just him, or did her hips always sway back and forth like that...?

_She was dressed in what had to be the most threadbare of tunics, her normally tied back long hair falling down to the bottom of her ribs in long waves... she teased the straps of her tunic off her shoulders, crossing her arms under her chest to prominently display her nearly bared breasts, before slowly dragging them- and her tunic- down... she slid down in the seat, making the hem of the tunic slide up..._

Maker, he was going to have a hard time sleeping...

With a low chuckle, Zev commented aloud, "Ah, how I love feisty women. Don't you agree, my friend?"

Alistair's ears burned, knowing he was caught, and ignored how half-hearted his excuse of leaving was, intent was he on escaping the elf's laughter. If only the imagery were just as easy to shed...

* * *

_AN: Why yes, I do have a rather ridiculously awesome red set of horns on my head. Why do you ask? xD_

_Dragon Age is owned by Bioware, and to be safe and give credit where it's due, the little cultural poke and borrowed lines belong to Joss Whedon. Cyber cookies to the reviewers who can guess which show it's from!_


End file.
